STRAY BULLETS IS BACK, MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!!!
I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what came over me, but–
EIGHT YEARS!! EIGHT FUCKING YEARS I WAITED FOR THIS BOOK! AND IT’S HERE! HERE NOW! TWO ISSUES IN ONE DAY AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL, MAN, BEAUTIFUL! LIKE… SOME FUCKIN’… REMBRANDT SHAKESPEARE SHIT, MAN! I– I– HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S BACK!
Oh! Oh, dear. Again, I’m terribly sorry. I- I really have been waiting eight years to read issue 41 of this comic, to see David Lapham finish the story of young Virginia Applejack’s kidnapping by her psychotic schoolmates, and I suppose my excitement’s gotten the best of me. But I didn’t realize it would… overtake me so. I–
HOLY SHIT SPANISH SCOTT! SPANISH SCOTT! ALL NEW STRAY BULLETS STARRING SPANISH FUCKING SCOTT! BACK TO THE BEGINNING, MAN! BACK TO THE BEGINNING! AW, IT’S SO GOOD! SO FUCKING GOOD!
Whoa. Okay, now. Hold it together… Hold it together…
Yes, not only did Lapham publish the long-awaited conclusion to the final Stray Bullets story arc today, he also launched Stray Bullets: Killers, the first issue in a new storyline launching exactly 19 years after the original series did in 1993. I started reading the series then, and–
WAIT! HAS ANYBODY OUT THERE NOT READ STRAY BULLETS?! OOOHHHH, DUDE! IT’S, LIKE, THE BEST CRIME COMIC EVER! IT’S ABOUT HOW CRIME AFFECTS THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE WHO SEE IT HAPPEN! IT’S PERVERTED AND WEIRD AND REAL AND–
HERE! READ THIS!
Yes. Yes, you should read Stray Bullets if you haven’t. Pictured above is the new Stray Bullets Über Alles…
…an omnibus edition which collects all 41 issues of the original series (including the new one just published today). At 60 dollars, it’s a little steep. But it’s also probably easier (and, I would guess, cheaper) than tracking down the individual issues, or the long-out-of-print trades. And some of the sting is taken out of that price tag when you realize that it’s 1194 pages long. Which is something else neat: the original series used continuous page numbering. So opening up issue 41 today and seeing the first page numbered 1079 brought back some nice memories.
And, in case you’re wondering, I did buy the Über Alles today, too. Which, yes, means that I bought issue 41 twice in one day, before I’d even read it.
BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, MAN! THIS IS STRAY BULLETS! STRAY BULLETS, MUTHAFUCKA! I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE GOOD BEFORE I EVEN OPENED THE COVER! BEFORE I PAID FOR IT! BEFORE I EVEN… WALKED INTO THE FUCKIN’ FUNNYBOOK STORE, MAN! BECAUSE… BECAUSE…
BECAUSE STRAY BULLETS!!!!!
Alright, that’s it! I had intended to write an intelligent, in-depth review of one of my favorite comics of all time, but obviously my enthusiasm at its return is too great for that. It’ll have to wait until I’ve calmed down a bit.
BUT YOU AIN’T GONNA CALM DOWN, MAN! YOU AIN’T GONNA CALM DOWN BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS THAT FUCKIN’ GOOD! YOU KNOW WHAT GRADE ISSUE 41 GETS? A FUCKIN’ A, MAN! AND YOU KNOW WHAT GRADE THE FIRST ISSUE OF KILLERS GETS? ANOTHER FUCKIN’ A! AND ÜBER ALLES? ÜBER ALLES, WITH ITS… MASSIVENESS AND… AWESOMENESS AND… AND… AND ITS FUCKIN’ UMLAUT, MAN? THAT GETS AN A, TOO! THEY ALL GET AN A! BECAUSE THEY ROCK! THEY FUCKIN’ ROCK!
STRAY BULLETS FTW!!!!!!!!!
Indeed. Stray Bullets. Fuck the world.
Thank you, and good night.