I know that most people decided that last night was the night to celebrate the end of the Mayan calendar (actually the end of the 13th Bak’tun cycle, but let’s not allow facts to get in the way of a good story). But that’s a philosophy that assumes it’s going to take an entire day to destroy the universe as we know it, and I think that shows a real lack of imagination. The calendar (or, again, 13th Bak’tun) draws to a close today, after all, and I think that’s left us with one last day to enjoy before the universe dissolves away under our collective fingers.
Which begs the question… How’s it gonna happen? How we gonna get it in the end, a few short hours from this writing? Well, the preferred method here on the nerd farm would probably be Death by Galactus…
…though Death by Strangelove also has its own perverse appeal (SPOILERS!).
It’s far better than the terrifying and cosmically-depressing Death by Quatermass, anyway…
…or its more festive cousin, Death by Cthulhu Claus.
Neither of which, seeing as they still feature actual physical death and thus an eventual surcease of suffering, are nearly as terrifying as the eternal soul-destruction of Death by Anti-Life:
Of course… My money’s still on the short sharp shock of a sudden fade to black. Time runs out, the Three-Headed Ultra-Diety of Your Choice pulls the plug, and the universe ends. This is, of course, the apocalypse known as The Journey Into Nothing… The Great Audience Enrager… Death by Soprano:
**********************A few clarifications: 1. No, I don’t think the universe is going to end at midnight tonight. 2. As I said above, this is the end of the 13th Bak’tun, which means that it’s the end of one cycle of time and the beginning of another. It signals change, and nothing else. 3. Interestingly, the December 21 end-date of the Mayan calendar comes within about a month of the day psychedlic theorist (read: “Genius” or “Drug-Crazed Madman,” as you will) Terrence McKenna predicted that a singularity in technological novelty would bring about a new sudden leap in human development. The dates were so close, in fact, that McKenna later adopted the Mayan date, figuring that they probably had it closer than he did. 4. Is this feel-good New Age gobbledy-gook? Maybe, but McKenna rejected the New Age movement outright as having no basis in research. The grand leap in human development doesn’t have to be a happy one, after all… 5. Of course, Dork Forty favorite Grant Morrison seems to think it will be. Or at least, he did when he wrote The Invivisbles back in the 90s. He’s since become a bit less… optimistic, reserving his most positive fantasies for the super hero universes he’s so very fond of. 6. For the record, I love the ending to The Sopranos. It’s a great “up yours” to everyone who thought the show was about nothing but the sex and violence, it was foreshadowed earlier in the season, and they could not possibly have done anything more tense and shocking. Brave, balls-out television of a type that’s faded a bit since people got so upset about it. 7. There was going to be a point seven, but Galactus ate it.
Good night, and enjoy your apocalypse!